In a coloring book. Check out this page from a coloring book for little Altar boys. Notice the boy is in the Priest's office taking off his sweater. They pretty much nailed it!

You can see the whole .pdf here.

There is certainly no better way to combat pedophiles in the Church than by telling children to not be alone with their Priest! Seriously, that is kind of F'd up.

Good morning. Look at me...not hungover! Let's see what's in the news this morning.

First, I got about ten press releases from the Romney campaign. Apparently, he gave a speech yesterday on religion. He's comparing it the greatness of a Kennedy speech. His campaign really, really, wants you to know about it. (KXAN)

Not so fast, Ellen. The strip clubs are rising up against the tittie tax. (Chron) I know this money is earmarked for a good cause and all, but in general, I oppose sin taxes. But $5 bucks isn't a lot to spend for what you get in return. I love the breasticles. Plus, I've paid more for less if you know what I mean.

Retiring State Rep. Mike Krusee launches his redemption campaign. (Austin Chron) Some people are dubious.

God uses 19 year old gunman to make statement on the commercialization of Christmas. (CNN)

Wow, that's a lot to digest this morning. I think I'll take the day off and try to reconcile all this news with my own personal world view...and maybe go get a manicure. My fingernails look are getting a little Howard Hughe'esque.

The APD is getting a lot of press and, for the most part, I've just been giving them the benefit of the doubt as each issue came up. You know, because I'm white and I live in Tarrytown...I see the police as the folks that protect me.

The APD use of excessive force is a little much, don't you think? And last night I read about the tool that was clocked going 139 miles an hour pass a funeral procession in response to a non-emergency call. So, shooting unarmed black and Hispanics, picking up hookers, and being generally above the law are making me wonder if the people that are so down on the department don't have a point.

I'm sure Grits For Breakfast has probably done an 18-part series on this and I've just missed it.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt parody the Larry Craig scenario.

Rep. Lamar Smith held a virtual town hall via telephone and some poor soul listened to the whole thing so we wouldn't have to.

The highlight of the call HAD to be the lady who was railing about immigration and said that we needed more border walls, because (I swear I am not making this up) the Chinese wall worked so well up until the point that Ronald Reagan said, "Mr. Kruschev, tear down this wall!" (Via)

Are we all feeling superior now? It's nice, isn't it?

What's on your Christmas list? I just sort of realized that Christmas is really coming up fast. Since I am the king of last minute, I just got my ticket home for the holidays. Man, the airlines ass-rape you at the holidays. Do you have any idea how much champagne I could buy for the amount I'm paying to go home this year? It's depressing.

My calendar is filling up with parties and events, so I am trying to get in the spirit. I keep waiting to break out the cashmere v-necks and get some delicious hot chocolate at Seattle's Best, but the 80 degree weather here is annoying.

I am also at a loss as to what I want on my list this year. Maybe the iPod touch? A bigger flat screen TV? New Gucci loafers? My mom is calling me every other day to ask and so far, I'm just...eh. Can y'all give me some ideas? What are you most hoping you'll get under the tree?

Students are flunking when it comes to science education. (Great time to fire your science curriculum leader!)

Despite a renewed interest in issues such as global warming, American schools are flunking when it comes to teaching kids basic lessons about the environment, according to a new study released by the National Environmental Education Foundation.

"Young people are graduating from high school totally environmentally illiterate," said Brian A. Day, executive director of the North American Association for Environmental Education. (KXAN)

I'm not even joking. TMZ reports on the Nevada Brothel that has thrown their legs around Ron Paul for President. They hope to "lubricate Ron Paul's path to the White House."

The campaign says that Congressman Paul "didn't solicit" Hof and his hoes -- certainly not their business, nor their political support. He tells us that, to his knowledge, Hof and Rep. Paul haven't met, nor does Paul sanction any form of prostitution.

Man, that's a tough one. On the one hand, hookers supporting your campaign is not going to play well with your base. On the other hand, it's hookers!

The story still has legs, as they say. It really is a good story if you think about it. State education agency fires top science curriculum for insinuating that 'creationism' isn't science. Throw in a governor trying to ingratiate himself with the far right constituency and a new commissioner that was a former staffer from the governor's office and there you go.

They New York Times printed an editorial. So did the Houston Chronicle plus a story on the matter. Not to be outdone, the Statesman throws in two cents.

And now, the author of the book that started the whole thing in the first place has released a statement.

Someone over at the TEA has stepped in a pile of shit. Let's watch to see how they clean off their shoes. (Please, please, please, let them hire some wingnut radical anti-science, pro-creationism educator from West Texas with questionable credentials. Please, please, please. It would be sooooo gooooooood.)

Let's take a look at what's making news this morning.

Apparently, Mike Krusee, is trying to hit the road to redemption with his calling to pursue new urbanism. (Austin Chronicle)

Mitt Romney sent out about fifteen press releases for his speech about religion. Did you know he gave a speech about religion? (KXAN)

Senate proves televangelists are tax cheats. (KXAN)

Strip clubs sue to block the tittie tax. (Chron)

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was in Texas speaking about "Faith In America" and the full press release with excerpts from his speech is in the "permalink," but I've got a few excerpts to pop up at the top here:

"There are some who would have a presidential candidate describe and explain his church's distinctive doctrines. To do so would enable the very religious test the founders prohibited in the Constitution. No candidate should become the spokesman for his faith. For if he becomes President he will need the prayers of the people of all faiths."

I absolutely agree. However, I'd like to take that a step further and say that our president should not only refuse to explain his church's doctrines, but he should also not impose them on the rest of America!

"we share a common creed of moral convictions." With some exceptions, but in general, I agree.

Then he just blabbers on about God and abortion.

This clip from The View made my right eyeball roll back in its socket. One of the hosts argued with Whoopi Goldberg that no one in history came before the Christians.

How? Wha? Why? Uh..Bu..See, uh...no, see..but no...

Oh fuck it.

Senator KBH has decided not to seek a higher position in the Senate than her current number 4 post. She had floated a consideration to do so after Lott announced his resignation. Unfortunately, she was the only one that thought that was a good idea. Lamar Alexander of Tennessee and RaymondRichard Burr of North Carolina have ambitious plans that will be far better executed than KBH.

Ok, let me have a sip of coffee and let's discuss. Texas is this big ass state...red and solidly voting Republican (except for the 39% Perry win). We have two Republican Senators. We are one of the largest contributors to the feds for the rest of the country.

Why shouldn't our senators be the top GOP leaders? Tennessee? North Carolina? Texans take shits bigger than Tennessee. I say if we're going to be stuck with crappy GOP leadership, we may as well lead.

So, I guess what I'm saying to Republican voters is that if you're going to elect somebody then why don't you elect somebody that has the potential to "go all the way" and not a bad wig wearing "No. 4."

KBH is not on the national scene nearly enough. Cornyn is, but that's because he's a dumbass. Message to voters of Texas: DO BETTER.

Blogland is a'fire over Craddick's Interim Charges list. For our part, we're going keep capitalizing those two words to highlight their slightly awkward, sinister cadence, and of course our belief that Tom Craddick couldn't lead a silent prayer. Plus it's classier than passive aggressive quotation marks.

And since we're on the subject of using language to surreptitiously promote our political views:

Counterpunch is angry about Craddick's plan to erect a little all-republican Minilang to push his anti-immigration agenda in 2009. With their ever heavy hand poised to bitch slap something, CP says:

The Texas Speaker of the House says that lawmaking committees will spend the next year preparing a colossal vocabulary of criminalization, citizenship, and state exclusion.

They go on, although I don't understand where exactly...

In order to walk themselves more deeply into this language of them illegals versus us citizens, the legislative committees will only have to keep circling around well-marked gravesites where Southern redneck language lie buried and yet ever gracious to rise from the dead at the tiniest glint of a ring.

[sic]

Yet with so much out there to stoke populist (and grammarian) rage, I'm hung up trying to put this concept of word blending that got a comic strip booted from the pages of the Chicago Tribune, to work for us. I've only got one so far:

Crack Addict

A former aide to Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Washington) is in federal custody after being arrested on a charge of attempting to have butt sex with a 13-year old boy. Mike McHaney was busted after chatting on AOL with a fake 13-year old and arranged for a long lunch to rendezvous with the boy.

That's gross.

Wow, what is it with people that ruin their lives? I don't get it. Clearly, even to get a shit job as a scheduler for a second rate congresswoman you have to know somebody. You most likely come from a pretty good family or something. Plus, I saw his picture. He's attractive, works on the Hill and is young. Now, his life is ruined because he wanted to meet a 13-year old boy without "pubes" and butt sex him.

Sometimes when you read something in the news and it makes you go sideways do you ever worry that you're the only one outraged? There is a confidence in knowing that you are the sane one in a world of crazy, but sometimes do I worry that maybe it's me that's the crazy one.

The video I posted about I-35 being a Holy Highway and the setting for this "purity siege" was one of those examples. I don't understand why people don't just come right out and say that this is retarded and the people that are doing this are stupid.

Well, this time I got about as close to getting validated as I'm gonna get. Reverend Greg McDonell of the Central Presbyterian Church here in Austin did respond. He said,

McDonell said though he loves all his Christian brothers and sisters, the Isaiah connection to I-35 is not only absurd, but the movement is misguided. He said so much prayer should go toward helping those who are hungry and sick.(KXAN)

Karl Rove said yesterday it was Congress, not President Bush, who wanted to rush a vote on the looming war in Iraq in the fall of 2002,

Washington Post Story

So, there's this 'war of words' is going on over at UT over a history student's unbelievable op-ed piece in the Daily Texan. Here's an excerpt of why the firestorm started in the first place:

What's not sexy is feminism (not to be confused with femininity), which is directly responsible for the disappearance of our beloved dresses and the adoption of pants by the "new woman." Like all fashions, pants are symbolic of something - in this case masculinity - through their allowance of physical activity. Dresses, the antithesis of pants, symbolize femininity through grace and elegance. Men find elegance in women to be attractive, and dresses are a physical manifestation of femininity. The wearing of pants by women represents the masculinization of the fairer sex, which is not at all attractive.

Right. So. Uhm. There's Facebook uproar all over the place. My favorite was this simple photo response.

"Meet Marc Smith A Texan" from Dallas and running for the U.S. Senate. Marc is an "independent Republican" and has, apparently, a Texas public school education if his grammar is any clue into his background.

Here are some excerpts from his manifesto on MySpace:

Do not hate me because I am an independent republican; listen what I have to say. I’ll bet we agree more than disagree. Presently there are over 212 Million of us here on myspace. If each one of you sent me $1.00 I could win the seat I seek and you the citizens could have an active; conservative voice in Washington. Make no mistake I am going to Washington in no one’s pocket! You can not buy me; you will never own me.

You read it right it is our campaign. I will stop Terrorism; I am Pro Adoption rather than for abortion. No new taxes; lower the ones we have.

We need a border in the North as well. (ed. note: I think there is a border in the North. Get an intern to fact check that Canada is still up there.)

I believe the U.S. should get out of the United Nations and they should leave the United States.

Finally there will be far fewer inconveniences to you and me the taxpayers.

Please feel free to call anytime. Where else can you get this type of service from a politician and a candidate for U.S. Senate? I am responsive; I do what I say and say what I mean.

You know why I honestly feel that way? It's because I was raised on a dirt road in the deep south and there is no way I can be the smartest person in the room. If I am, then we have serious trouble in America.

Someone's got a serious crush on Mayor Wynn in Austin.

Governor Rick Perry is the new leader of the Republican Governors Association. At a swanky resort in Orange County (I wonder if it was the Hyatt Newporter? I love that place) the Republican Governors Association chose Texas' favorite son as their new chairman.

Uhm, just wondering...out of a group of 22 people what does it say about your group that Rick Perry is the best you got?

The Statesman has a quiz, "Are you Electable?" Apparently, I'm in the hunt so we need to start my exploratory committee straightaway.

[via TPM]