In what can only be described as a "he actually did?!" moment, Governor Perry commuted the death sentence of Kenneth Foster just six hours before he was scheduled to die. As y'all likely know, Foster was sentenced to death under Texas' law of parties statute, allowing him to be sentenced to death despite not being the triggerman in a 1996 murder.
Death penalty opponents hailed the decision, stating their disbelief that Perry was indeed human. With a conscience and everything.
In order to make it look like he wasn't bowing to protesters' requests, Perry cited his problem with trying capital defendants together as the reason behind commuting the sentence. But no one will remember that. They'll just remember the time that the tinman proved he had a heart.
Senator Craig is rumored to be resigning today. You can hear his press conference at the Washington Monument's public restroom. He'll be there between 2 and 4 p.m. today looking for discrete encounters.
Governor Perry has commuted the sentence of Kenneth Foster. I wrote about this a while back. Kenneth was convicted under that 'bystander' rule when a passenger in his car kill't somebody. As you all know, I am not opposed to the death penalty and this case just re-affirms my belief that the system works. Perry did the right thing and for the first time ever during my time in the State of Texas you're about to hear:
You're doing a heckuva job, Rick.
As a follow up to PD's last post, did anyone else catch Robert Black's line regarding the toilets in the governor's mansion?
"They have problems with plumbing right now to where the upstairs toilets overflow once every two weeks at this point."You know, there are certain things that I just don't need to know. But clearly Perry needs to reexamine his diet, increase his fiber content, and cut down on the red meat. Maybe it's Anita - whoever. But clogging the toilets twice a month suggests there might be some issues with the human plumbing, too.
The governor's mansion has better friends than you do. They've raised some money to renovate that piece of shit house that hasn't been updated since God was a boy. Perry's gonna move out for a while so they can fix it up real nice. Texas Weekly has the deets.
Rep. Charles Rangel wants people to know he OWNS the House Ways & Means Committee, and is willing to put up over 64 thousand dollars of his own campaign funds to illustrate that fact. He is hoping that the FEC lets him spend his campaign money on a big ol' portrait of himself to place in the committee hearing room. Well, at least it's his own money to fritter away in such fashion. His money and that of his donors, anyway.
Guess who's back? Yeah, I know it's been eons since I posted here. But I finally found something worthy of my posting . . .
We like our presidential candidates hot and sweaty. Ooh, hot, sweaty and Mormon. He's really the full package, y'all.
Anyone else get the feeling that Sen. Craig's wife wore those huge, Nicole Richie-esque sunglasses to his press conference in order to hide as much of her face as possible?
Picture from cnn.com.
I am finally going on vacay. Mine won't be to Virginia to take care of any babies, though. I'm headed to the coast for relaxation mixed with a little bit of debauchery. I'll be back next Wednesday. In the meantime, plead with Zander, SuperWow!, Bluebonnet and RawHide to entertain you because I'll be entirely too drunk to do so.
Who am I kidding, being drunk has never stopped me from posting before. We may have some fun things to share with you, after all!
Senator "I am not gay" Craig's political career seems to be going down in flames. He's been thrown under the bus by everybody, including the White House. (CNN)
Republican strategists everywhere are asking what could possibly happen next? The Senator Craig sex scandal is just the latest to take the shine off a once starry future for the GOP.
I don't think that scandals are limited to Republicans at all. I just think that they have been in power so long that when there is blood in the water the sharks are coming out and finding everything. I'm not complaining...it certainly is fun to watch. I feel like a Roman at the coliseum.
When I wrote about the death of Leona Helmsley, someone doubted me in my factual statement that that hag was evil. I saw today that she left $12 million to her dog and $0 to her grandkids in her will. From now on, if I tell you someone is an evil bitch how about you just believe me and save us the trouble of me having to point it out later and embarrass you? Would that be ok? Thanks.
Ah, Governor Perry's campaign message rings so true when you see a headline like this one:
Thats how it went down.
Really Michael Vick !?!
When Michael Vick was stopped at an airport with marijuana.
We lurve us some YouTube news!
I kinda think it means you're a pervert, actually, Senator Larry Craig.
US Senator Larry Craig resigned tonight as Senate co-chairman for Mitt Romney's presidential campaign, within hours after news broke of Craig's guilty plea to disorderly conduct after an incident in a men's bathroom.and then, there's more...
Roll Call, citing the report, said Sgt. Dave Karsnia made the arrest after an encounter in which he was seated in a stall next to a stall occupied by Craig. Karsnia described Craig tapping his foot, which Karsnia said he "recognized as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct."Damn, that Republican closet is about to be empty, I guess. Maybe what's a real threat to the sanctity of marriage isn't the openly gay men and women in the world, but closeted Republican elected officials. Just sayin'.Roll Call quoted the Aug. 8 police report as saying that Craig had handed the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a member of the Senate.
"What do you think about that?" Craig is alleged to have said, according to the report.
Last fall, Craig called allegations from a gay-rights activist that he's had homosexual relationships "completely ridiculous."
A Smyrna, Tennessee man was busted for using counterfeit $100 bills to buy lap dances at the Deja Vu strip club in Nashville. When the U.S. Secret Service went to his home, the man's campaign manager showed them the evidence.
(Do I really have to tell y'all that the man was not a politician or do you get that I was kidding.)
Like how I added that for all the retards that have started to read this site?
On September 1st over 650 new laws will be in effect. One of those new laws is a law that doubles the cost of a marriage license. I don't know about yall, but I think that paying double for a marriage license will probably not decrease divorces. Doesn't make much sense to me but whatever. The bill was filed by Rep. Chisum and sponsored in the Senate by Senator Estes (yes he does work! I was surprised, too) Take advantage of the low price this week.
Check out the list of other bills in the Chron.
What other items could we come up with to protect the sanctity of marriage? No gays. Check. Less accessibility to a license. Check. Government coming in to confirm missionary position sexual intercourse? BINGO! We have a winner! Pick up your prize at the next legislative session with Representative Chisum and his band of marriage Nazis!
That's what Ted Nugent had to say about Hillary Clinton at a recent performance as he hoisted two machine guns over his head. Doesn't Governor Perry have some classy friends?
See the clip in the permalink.
I think that's the most often thing I heard my Mom say when I was growing up. These days you can pre-order all the school supplies online. Ha! I remember the first day of school was dreaded and looked forward to at the same time. I hope all you parents are ready! It's another year of sub-standard public education in Texas! I'm so excited! I can't wait to find out how many kids don't finish the year!
The Teen Miss USA pageant was the home of the display of our most beautiful teen girls...and our most stupid. Miss South Carolina could have answered this question better if she'd just taken a dump on the stage. Watch the goodness. I see a future job at the TEA for her!
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned his position among a growing realization by everyone that he was completely incompetent and even a little sketchy.
The Fort Worth City Council and the State Fair of Texas officials screwed the pooch this week.
1) Just when I was about to take up smoking, the Fort Worth City Council voted to ban smoking inside most public places except bars. (I have to forgive the ever so beautiful Councilwoman Wendy Davis) I guess I will have to resort to drinking twice as much now.
2) The officials of the State Fair are encouraging vendors to fry all fried food (fried tamales, corndogs, funnel cakes, coke and PB &J) in trans-fat free oil . Screw the wankers (trying to use this more in my vocabulary) who are trying to ruin my good time at the fair.
The only thing worse than these two events, is the picture the Dallas Morning News used of a lady with a corn dog. Really? You didn't have a better picture? Really?
Mmm, corndogs. I'm sorry...what was I talking about?
President Bill Clinton will be in Austin next month to campaign for Senator Hillary Clinton. The Statesman has the invite. Who's buying me a ticket? (View the invite)
...a Pentecostal convention in Las Vegas, somebody's coming out of it different than they went in but not necessarily for the better. The Texas Advocacy something or over is hosting an event at the Barton Creek Spa and Resort. For a $100,000 donation to Speaker Craddick's campaign fund you can enjoy a full list of events designed to keep the lobbyists in compliance with weak ethics laws.
Here's my favorite breakout:
10:00 a.m. 10:50 a.m.
Blog and Blackberry Lobbying
How todays real-time e-mail and Internet communications impact the lobby and political leadership and the associated ethical and legal questions
Panel Background: Discussion of the practical, political and ethical issues arising from real-time news and legislative communications in the process of governing. Included are issues such as journalistic integrity vs. political spin; when online news and opinion becomes leg. advertising requiring disclosure; when blogs and special interest newsletters and RSS feeds become a campaign contribution or a reportable campaign expenditure; and what are the next steps in the e-frontier.
Confirmed Speakers: Paul Burka, Texas Monthly; Mike Hailey, Capitol Inside; Harvey Kronberg, Quorum Report; Ross Ramsey, Texas Weekly
OMG, tell more more about the e-frontier. (My eyes just rolled out of my head at the thought of Paul Burka and Harvey Kronberg talking about e-frontiers.) Burka, a print stalwart that has hated blogs and when he got his own gets freaked out by the comments and Kronberg, who...don't get me wrong love the QR, but wouldn't know an e-frontier if it bit him the ass.
If you are interested in the impact of New Media on campaigns and policy, contact me or Pink Lady and for a reasonable fee we'll perform a skit. In the nude!
The FWST website had a caption, Abs of Steel, yesterday which was big news. I realized that someone did not leak a picture of me and gave it to the FWST. It was a picture of Russian President Vladimir Putin shirtless. I was worried because if it came down to a showdown 1 on 1 (Bush vs. Putin) to see which country would rule the world it looks like Putin might kick some butt. That's why nobody should vote for Kucinich!
Texas executed its 400th prisoner since the death penalty was reinstated here in 1982. Critics say that the death penalty is not a deterrent for criminals. I agree, in its current incarnation. The death penalty should be carried out much more swiftly in order to be a deterrent. This prisoner had been on death row since 1998. For all the hand-wringing over the death penalty let's take a moment to remember a 49-year old woman he shot twice in the head.
Let's see how long before we hit the next execution milestone!
Oh, and to all those opposed to the death penalty eat yourselves up in the comments. Don't care.
One of my favorite cartoons growing up was Captain Planet. Captain Planet was a superhero who saved the earth from pollution and bad stuff. Anyways, I was thinking that Hollywood should make this into a big action flick and who better to play Captain Planet than Al Gore. If anyone has connections and can get this going, all I ask if for some credit and money. This would be a lot better than Leonardo DiCaprio's new movie.
Of course I had to add a pic.
A history teacher in Ogden, Utah realized that the school name James A. Madison named after the 4th President of the United States was wrong. Well its just James Madison Jr. (no A) but which smart ass doesn't check Google, a book, Wikipedia, or an encyclopedia. Not to worry the school is getting the signs and letterhead changed. (Chron)
Tip: Don't move to Utah. (This is about the bajillionth reason we could come up with for you not to move to Utah. #1 is that it's filled with Morman freaks.)
And just for fun, here's another story out of Utah. Police Chief's stripper wife was arrested for selling drugs. Yeah, I didn't even make that shit up.
Jenna "BoozeHound" Bush will have some decisions on where to get married. We're sure the pollsters are begging for a White House wedding and the sure-to-follow jump in the president's numbers because people are suckers for a wedding! Maybe Jenna wants to have it here in Austin so she can re-visit her glory days of binge drinking and mooning the governor's mansion. (Radar)
Senator Shapleigh had to ask the state to audit the El Paso School District after an architect pleaded guilty to fraudulently helping a district employee's daughter get a loan. Why wouldn't the fact that an architect working on a school project pleading guilty to fraud trigger a local someone's tiny brain that maybe they needed to dig a little deeper?
An author of inspirational books from Carrollton (close to Dallas) has pleaded guilty and sentenced to five years in prison for possession of child pornography. That's why I don't read inspirational books because they are usually full of crap. If you do read, then look for the next book from this creepy dude. DMN
Ah, child pornography stories. They never get old, do they?
The European Union has urged Gov. Perry to stop the executions (FWST) because we all know that we love killing people here in Texas. Perry responded with a maniacal laugh and said when we get the North American Union we are going to kick your ass. He also tried to burn down the capitol as a final act of defiance.
From Towleroad:
Blogger Lane Hudson files FEC complaint against Fred Thompson: "It is my contention that he has violated the 'testing the waters' exemption of election law. He has been presenting himself as a candidate for President, he has been raising large sums of money beyond what would be required to explore a possible candidacy, and he has signed a long term lease on a headquarters for his campaign. He has even spent advertising dollars, which are specifically prohibited by the law."
No, Congressman Bob Filner, we don't. Filner has been charged with assault after an incident at the Dulles Airport. Ah. Entitlement. Ain't it grand, y'all?
Because he sure is full of shit. There will be yet another Perry fundraiser at the Four Seasons here in Austin on September 5th. The suggested 'donations' are from $1,000 to $50,000.
"From time to time, my approach stirs up the chattering class, but I try not to forget what is important: representing average people who work hard, play by the rules and expect government to be as honest and efficient as they have to be every day," Perry saidUgh, who is still giving him money? Do they really think he's national candidate material? Morons.
People with this much money to throw away make me think I ought to run for office. Maybe I'll head down to the Four Seasons and pass my own hat. Whomever gives me the most money can totally set my political agenda.
Houston can begin enforcing their ordinance about restricting the location of sex businesses in the city.
In a short written opinion, the court affirmed a finding earlier this year by a federal judge in Houston that the city had properly imposed rules prohibiting such businesses from operating within 1,500 feet of schools, churches, parks and licensed day-care centers.This means the teachers seducing their students, the pastors needing a full-release massage, the men that troll parks for sex and pedophiles will have a bit further to drive for their sexual needs. (Chron)
Two teenagers preparing for their very first time were interrupted mid-coitus when the candles they lit to set the mood set the house on fire. The two were pictured naked in the morning paper among the ruins. (Reuters)
That ought to do it for some sexual hangups in their future!
The Hillary Nutcracker. I'll totally make out with you if you buy me one.
The Queen of Mean, Leona Helmsley is dead at age 87. Mrs. Helmsley is famous for being a supreme bitch that evaded taxes, committed fraud, terrorized staff, fired employees because they were gay, and even ruined a company just to avoid paying back salary to employees.
Ah..the 80's. Don't you miss them? Hope the rooms in Hell have nice towels and phone in every bathroom!
I loathe the television show To Catch a Predator. The smarmy Chris Hansen and the glee with which the Perverted Justice crew entrap people is television at its worst. The Perverted Justice people use names like Frag and Xavier and sit online all day trying to get men to talk to them in a sexually explicit way. Something is wrong with you if this is your job...or life's passion.
Chris Hansen and Dateline are even worse. They use it for ratings. It's all lights! Camera! Action! As it was in the case in Murphy, Texas. A respected former D.A. shot himself when the S.W.A.T. team from Terrell busted into his home. Seriously. The S.W.A.T. team busted in the home of a 50-something year old former D.A.'s home because he chatted online with a fake teenage boy.
The family of the man that shot himself in the head when he discovered the S.W.A.T. team in his house is now suing NBC, the Murphy and Terrel police departments and Perverted Justice. I hope she gets every dime they've ever seen.
You can read the entire feature in the latest issue of Esquire Magazine.
Why the fire trucks outside the Capitol today? Apparently, there's five of them at 15th and Colorado.
Health Reminder Cartoon I saw online.
Favorite line: "Mummies and Daddies don't have time to play with toys. They have too many spreadsheets to do."
Seriously, who comes up with these bizarre cartoons on the Internet? They make me laugh uncomfortably.
District 23 certainly isn't raising the bar in the GOP candidate field. James McGrody (to the max) is considering jumping back into the race. Instead of raising money, he plans to get your email address and bombard you with spam on his positions on issues. This sure sounds like a winning strategy!
Winning strategies are apparently something McGrody doesn't know anything about. The SAXN gives a great synopsis of his political resume:
In 2004, he helped coordinate Republican Jim Valdez's losing campaign against state Sen. Leticia Van de Putte. Earlier that year, he worked on Joe Solis' anti-establishment and unsuccessful bid for chairmanship of the Bexar County Republican Party.
State Representative Kevin Bailey (D-HOU) is calling for hearing this week on the Houston Crime Lab. The lab has been criticized for a litany of foul-ups and lack of protocols. Rep. Bailey pushed legislation through requiring the accreditation of crime labs throughout the state.
Uhm, why does there have to be a hearing on this issue? Why wouldn't law enforcement want the crime lab's results to be unimpeachable? Shouldn't the HPD Chief be the one getting the press with his strong commitment to implementing recommendations from an investigation into the crime lab's deficiencies?
I still peruse the headlines, but now I'm loathe to click on a link to read an entire story. Every click gives me a pop-up even though I have them blocked, there are advertisements before every article and when I've cleared my cookies and cache it's asking me for a password to read an article. I hate that!
The Statesman recently won some award for their site and I will say it's improved, but to me the Houston Chronicle is the easiest site to navigate and has the most unobtrusive advertisements. It bites because I like the DMN.
I hope you all enjoyed the tax-free weekend of shopping. I did!
Like Global Warming, there is something else in danger...the Bill of Rights.
Broad surveillance powers approved by Congress this month could allow the Bush administration to conduct spy operations that go well beyond wiretapping to include without court approval certain types of physical searches of U.S. citizens and the collection of their business records, Democratic congressional officials and other experts said.(AAS)
I do not approve of broad surveillance powers on U.S. citizens by the government. This ain't Russia and I don't care if the government says "It's to protect you against terrorism."
Listen, jackasses, I'll take my chances against terrorists rather than having the government eroding my rights and sticking their nose into my business. I'm an American. My life is full of freedom and liberty so get your goddamn hands off my business records, my phone calls, my computer and if you so much as go near my ass for a cavity search you're gonna pull back a nub.
Diana Maldonado (D-Round Rock) will challenge State Rep. Mike Krusee (R-Taylor) in House District 52. 
Rep. Krusee has made plenty of people angry with his whole Texas Trans Corridor support. He's only wavered briefly in his support of Craddick and is on the list of targeted state officials by many groups.
Diana Maldonado is a RRISD trustee and has spent the past 13 years as head of the Tax Applications Section in the State Comptroller's Office. That's great and all, but can she dance to the tune of District 52?
Surely she'll be better than horse face Krusee. HEE HAW MIKE!
That's all. I just had to say it. Resume your Sunday.
Since 2000, a South Carolina company has defrauded the Pentagon out of $20.5 million. The Pentagon paid $999,976 to ship two 19-cent washers to Texas. Ah, this is the kind of government news I like to hear. Good ol' incompetency in action. It restores my faith that maybe there isn't some evil empire conspiring against us all. I mean, with geniuses like this working for the government they can't really be doing anything with all our phone calls, can they?
The Las Manitas owners have refused the $750,000 forgivable loan from the City of Austin. I was one of the people that thought it was a ridiculous thing for the city to do in the first place, so I'm glad to see that they decided to take the high road and step away from the controversy. Maybe I'll have lunch there today to show my...appreciation? No. Gratitude? No. Eh, I don't know what but I'll think of something.
A veteran of the Korean War waited 42 years to receive his Purple Heart and instead he received a certificate and an "Out of Stock" notice.
He was told he could purchase one for $42.00. The Department of Defense estimates that 29,098 troops have been wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan through Thursday.
Thanks for your military service and the sacrifice you made for your country. Please send $42.00 for us to give a shit.
This week marks the 30th anniversary of Elvis' death. It pains me to admit I am old enough to remember where I was when I heard he'd died. I was first grader and I was spending the summer at my grandmother's lake house. I remember seeing this live on TV that summer...or is it a fake memory? Either way, he is still the King as far as I'm concerned.
Someone had figured out a way to find out who edits the content on Wikipedia. Ever wonder how much corporate and government spin is in those factual entries? Turns out it's a lot.
BREAKING NEWS:
APD SWAT officers are on the scene at North Austin Medical Center, where officials say a suspect is barricaded inside. More to come.
UPDATE:
The police department said a man has barricaded himself in a vacant building near the North Austin Medical Center Thursday.
The building is a street away from the center and not on the hospital's campus, which is at Cedar Bend Drive and Metric Blvd.
UPDATE 5:50 p.m.
