CNNI f'ed up.

(via)

Emailed to us by more than one person.

[As sung to the theme of the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" ads]

Today we salute you, Mr. Radio-host-turned-Senator-Guy ...

While some politicians focus on the people, you boldly and shamelessly promote
yourself and your bad ideas.

Singers: The mayor of crazy town.

When you take the mike in the Texas Senate, no one -- we mean no one -- is
listening. Whether you're talking about selling babies or offering phantom tax cuts, Texas government grinds to a halt when you speak.

Singers: Someone get some duct tape.

And while you complain you are holier than the Pope, we know the author of the first greatest book ever written wouldn't break
bread at Hooters.

Singers: I was just here for the fried pickles.

So here's to you Senator Holier-than-thou tax cut man. You've proven one thing
for sure -- Talk radio is a bad place to find someone who can pass a tax cut.

Another after the jump.

Sunday is Mother's Day!

The Politico have compiled their tips on how elected officials or activist groups can get us bloggers to write about them...or rather, write what they want us to write about them. We decided, like Gawker, to give our feedback on the tips.

1. Bloggers cover stories that interest them, not all the news that's fit to print.

So true, and we do a half-ass job of covering stuff that interests us. So give us all the deets so we don't have to do any research.

2. Bloggers are lone individuals with limited amounts of time rather than large institutions with a space quota to fill.

Ugh, we have a LOT of space to fill so send us a lot of crap. But, here's what we don't like. Press releases. Hate them. Send me an email about it and you're more likely to get a post than sending me a press release. Sometimes I may post your press release just to make fun of what a poor job you did. We are lone individuals though...and very busy. In other words, spoon feed us your tips!

3. Bloggers write about topics in their areas of interest from a particular point of view.

Oh, that's so true. We are not going to write policy posts or deeply analytical posts. Give it an angle that will piss us off or make fun of someone and you'll get a bunch of attention. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of legislation about Veuve Clicquot and hookers. There should be, but there isn't. So, instead, we write about political stuff.

4. Bloggers need material for posts rather than quotes from both sides.

We don't give a shit about the other side's opinion. You get it to us first and we'll be on your side! Isn't that how the Statesman would do it?

5. Consider giving exclusives, especially to more prominent bloggers.

Exclusives make us wet our panties. If the exclusive is about someone's wet panties, even better!

6. Bloggers aren't party operatives.

That is true. While we are progressive, we aren't affiliated with a party. Unless there are margaritas, then we're totally affiliated.

7. Less is more.

Agreed. Don't bother me with a lot of facts. Give me the bullet. Also, don't send me fifty press releases about the same thing over and over.

Just what I needed today, another medical thing for me to obsess over.

The virus that causes cervical cancer, the subject of heated debate in Austin, also sharply increases the risk of throat cancer for both men and women engaging in oral sex, according to a new study.

The study found that people who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250 percent more likely to develop throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex. The cancer at one time was thought to be caused only by alcohol or tobacco.

I know this happened two weeks ago, which in blog-time is something like two years, but it still makes me laugh.

Best President ever
Reply to: pers-327802538@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-09, 7:05PM CDT

Y'all are a bunch of crackheads.

The President has done nothing but good for this country and the world. You bunch of impatient, shortsighted liberal fucks will learn.

Jeb '08, you wait and see!!

- If ever you thought, "Wow, you know who's similar to Reagan? Sen. Fred Thompson!", then this comparison done by Radar kinda proves you right. My favorite part:

Richard Nixon (according to the White House Tapes)
On Reagan (who had been a rival for the 1968 Republican presidential nomination): "Reagan is not one that wears well ... Reagan on a personal basis, is terrible. He just isn't pleasant to be around"
On Thompson (who was the Republican counsel for the Senate Watergate Committee): "Oh shit, he's dumb as hell"

- Low-tech and quirky: New Mexico governor Bill Richardson has a new campaign ad out. The first thing I noticed? The actor talking to him looks a lot like the dad from Life Goes On (I don't think it's him). I appreciate the quiz-show-like music that pops up when "Bill Richardson for President" comes up on screen. Behind Door 3? A second-tier candidate!*

- Also on Youtube: a new made-for-Youtube, DC-based interview series hosted by two guys, one a conservative and one a Democrat. Crossfire it's not, but that's a good thing. The guys plan to focus on technology and politics. It's low-tech, not-very-attractive fun! My main complaint with the series so far: crappy sound quality. Here's the "pilot". They have also posted the first part of their interview with Sen. Kerry.

*I still like him.

Oddest quote I've read in a while - from a Houston Chronicle story about Dan Patrick:

"He's like an uninvited picnic guest who shows up with nothing in hand, eats all the potato salad and spoils the picnic for everyone else," said a senator who requested anonymity in order to assess Patrick candidly.

There's rumors of a new challenge to Speaker Craddick. The wimps and sycophants must feel emboldened by the overturning of a ruling this week. Seriously, Texas elected a bunch of wimps to the legislature...not tough cowboys like they prance around and stomp their feet and pretend to be.

Did any of those that did not vote against the speaker remember what I said back in January? We all knew then that Craddick would not adapt to change. He would not be any different after the challenge to his seat, and indeed he is petty and would punish those that voted against him. Ta. Da. What this dumbass blogger said in January is exactly what happened and the legislators that have the nerve to whine about leadership and start whispering to the newspaper about rumors of a challenge to his seat but refuse to give their names to the press so their legislation won't be killed are pitiful, sad excuses for men.

Here's my latest criteria to vote for a state representative or state senator: Not a pussy.

Perry did not sign or veto the bill undoing his mandate on HPV vaccinations and so it quietly slips into law. Maybe everybody was wrong on this issue. Maybe the governor was wrong for getting too big for his britches and trying to mandate something. Maybe the legislature was wrong for being spiteful about it. Maybe the parents are wrong to think their slutty teenage daughters aren't having sex and don't need vaccinated.

Who's to know?

The Queen frosted Bush for his gaffe. How much do you love this photo? Bwahahaha. Read a British perspective of his 'gaffe'.

Let me tell you why. During his introduction of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, he referred to hateful idealogies, tyranny, liberty and terror. She has been the Queen of England for what, 50 years? Your singular focus on terrorism and warmongering is just a blip in the history of her reign. She has not visited the United States in over 10 years and the signifigance of her visit is far more than a testament to her support for you in your war on terror, you dolt.

Oh, and when you flubbed up and said she celebrated 1776 and then said, "she gave me a look that a mother would give a child" you got it wrong, she was giving you a look reminding you that you're an idiot commoner that she's barely tolerating...as are all of us.

The House flexed its muscle a little last night as there was a vote to overrule a decision by the Speaker. Rarely done and even more rarely successful, I'm sure people were riveted to the debate. Me? After three margaritas at Guero's I was not distracted by the legislature.

There is such little drama to this session without some of our favorites around (Miss you Mary Denny and Gunslinger Hupp!) and no big fights over homos, parental consent (yet) and education and taxes. A little floor fight as the session starts its final stretch brings people to the bleechers for some entertainment at last. It's about time we had a little up there. After all, really, what is the legislature good for?

Ah, nothing like crazy getting some hot wings and big ol' heapin' helpin' of titties! Dan Patrick shows his high regard for women's issues at a local Hooters.

click to enlarge (via)

The House effectively killed the Indian Casino bill last week and I have to say I'm relieved. I'm not in favor of racetracks, casinos and poker machines at the 7-11. It's trashy. Leave that crap for Vegas.

I went to a meeting in Council Bluffs, Iowa where they allow gambling on the river and we stayed at the 'casino' there. You have never seen the likes of suicide inducing reality! The old and infirm with their wheelchairs and oxygen, the morbidly obese, and the chain-smoking poor people were too much and I cut my meeting short and came back home.

Casino gambling is always the go-to answer to make a quick buck and raise money for something, but it's one of the worse ideas ever proposed. I'd rather have nothing but toll roads and state income taxes than a casino by Town Lake.

(I misspelled the word casino every time I typed this post this morning. I think I caught myself, but if anyone knows what a cassion is and why I'm apparently obsessed with it, let me know!)

The teenager apparently jumped out of the bushes as a DART station and attacked a police officer saying he was going to kill her. It was 3:20 a.m. The police officer's partner shot the kid in the neck and killed him. I don't have a problem with that.

Of course, there will be an uproar but it seems pretty cut and dry to me. You jump out of the bushes at 3:20 a.m. and attack a cop? You could probably guess you're gonna get shot.