Thanks for your submissions on Best and Worst Dressed, etc. Your nominations are fantastic. Even though we had a lot of names on the LILF award, it's shocking how many of you have a thing for Lois Kolkhorst! Krusee made the list because for some of you there is pleasure in what's called a 'grudge fuck.' Who am I to judge?

Best Dressed Male
Rose
Strama
Anchia
Gattis

Best Dressed Female
Dawnna Dukes
Van de Putte
Anna Hernandez
Delisi

Worst Dressed Male
Haggerty
Dunnam
Harris
Hamilton

Worst Dressed Female
Mowery
Shapiro
Hodge
King

Most Cringe Inducing Accessory
Those damn capes the women wear
Farrar's endless supply of shiteous scarves
McClendon's collection of Carrie Bradshaw flower pins
Dan Patrick's Teeth
Bolo ties

Worst Hair
Giddings wig
Harper-Brown
Haggerty
Dunnam
Ellis
Patrick
Bolton

LILF
FEMALE
Kolkhorst
Dukes
Hernandez
Gonzales
Farrar

MALE*
Anchia
Lucio III
Ogden
Castro
Strama
Krusee

*Note to the men: Don't go getting all upppity--This doesn't mean you're adored by the ladies in the capitol; more than half your votes came from dudes.

That's the titled letter Cindy Sheehan wrote as she gives up on her protest. She said, in part:

"I have tried ever since he died to make his sacrifice meaningful," she wrote. "Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives.

"It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years, and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy and that hurts the most."

We can tell you every drunken, high move that Lindsay Lohan makes but how many people can read and comprehend and even act bothered enough to care about foreign policy? Much less, take the time to actually vote.

This is the way he ballz. Former state representative and current assistant House Parliamentarian Ron Wilson. He's the guy behind the desk in the video.

It's that time again, as we've done before we'll stand here on the porch and wave goodbye to the legislators as they pack up and head out to the hinterlands from whence they came. We will be dining out on stories about the end of the session for a couple of more weeks, I'm sure. Thanks for that because the rest of the session was a real snoozer.

And, it pains me to say this, but Representative Talton did a lot to redeem himself this year. I'll be compiling my list of best and worst...and not just about fashion. Recap away. I'll be back later.

Won't you be so glad to hear those words? We will. That's for dern sure. I did my sine die partying last night and have been suffering through a raging hangover all day. But, that doesn't mean if you're going out later you shouldn't call me.

And, oh yeah...we're still collecting nominees for the Best and Worst Dressed and LILF awards.

AND--We have one more reader submitted Craddick Photoshop. If you're up to a challenge, send them in and we'll enjoy!

A huge chunk of the House staged a walkout about an hour ago in protest of Tom Craddick sucking so much. Apparently the group marched out to applause and cheers, then mingled outside on the third floor, not really sure what to do next. When the insurgents (stupid name) returned back into the chamber after adjournment to collect their personal belongings, the Statesman says that finger pointing and loud arguments ensued. Some bills died and some members were pissed, but it was an excellent way to end a turbulent past few days.

I'm sure that marks the end of the session for the House, as it's highly doubtful they'll even have a quorum tomorrow.

Sine die!

Don't think there won't be any more drama in the House today. I just turned in and even Rep. Mark Strama is making parliamentary inquries. Yipes! You are making a BIG mistake Speaker when you dis Rep. Strama because if you're mean to him there are a lot of people that are going to come down there and kick your ass.

Janek says he will filibuster the budget, ensuring a special session and more high drama at the capitol. Today's proceedings have been interrupted by points of order and inquiries, but nowhere near the drama of last night. As a matter of fact, Craddick has been mostly MIA today. (Someone did email me his cell phone number if any of you would like to ring him up.)

It continues to be embarrassing watching Terry Keel feed lines to Turner and Gattis. I always thought Gattis was a pretty smart fella, but to see him up there with a blank stare waiting to repeat what Terry Keel says word for word is just mind boggling. How humliating for all involved. Except Terry Keel, that bastard has no shame.

More updates on the House below

One thing that got missed last night was a poignant moment after Rep. Ellen Cohen passed her very first bill. While I wasn't a big fan of the $5 surcharge for strip clubs, it's really no skin off my nose because I don't go to strip clubs. After Rep. Cohen's bill passed, the gallery broke out into applause and several members rushed over to congratulate her and give her a hug. Even from where I was sitting you could tell she was emotional. Rep. Cohen had a lot invested in that bill and with all the drama in the House last night she let herself break down for a brief moment before regaining herself and giving the gallery a slight wave.

I guess in the middle of all that crap going on last night there was this tiny little reminder of why some people go into politics. They have a duty to serve and fight for what they believe in. Rep. Cohen just happens to believe in preventing sexual assaults. So, good for her.

Also...Rep. Villareal. You are quite a handsome man, BUT...you should know better than to wear blue jeans on the House floor. It is highly inappropriate and I'm going to have to reprimand you for such a serious breach.

The Photoshops are HILARIOUS from Superwow today. We'll pop them up to the top of the page throughout the day. Feel free to forward them to staffers to print out and post, I believe they may even be available in a poster form.

Those were the last audible words from the mic as the House finally voted to adjourn at 1:22 a.m. We'll be back at 11:00 a.m. on Saturday so I guess we'll see you then.

It is crazee down here! The gallery is packed and people are swarming all over the building. They reconvene at 11 and anyone with any knowledge of the Rules is requested to report immediately to the podium.

Word is that they will break a quorum and the budget is DOA.

Stay tuned. Say hi, I'm in the black pinstripe suit with a pink shirt.

Anybody got a charger for a blackberry 8700c?

Five minutes till eleven. Terr f'ing Keel just walked in as the new parliamentarian. Damn.

Damn this blackberry, I need IBM's big blue to get all this down.

Members are barking and when Chisum brings up his bill he is not getting a lot of attention.

Seven state troopers have entered the gallery in anticipation of what I'm afraid may be a melee up here.

1:16 a.m. and it's still going. The gallery has thinned out to mostly staffers and a few lobbyists.

I'd also like to point out that obviously Craddick doesn't have the votes to remain Speaker. Also you can hear Terry Keel providing the rules clearly and giving 'lines' to Craddick. Craddick repeats him word for word. Denise was at least subtle. She's left the building, btw. With her box of stuff.

Could it be relevant again tonight?

So things went all sideways in the House tonight and legislators fled the scene to break quorum. Then word got out the House Parliamentarian resigned. Basically, that means that nobody in that building has any idea how to do anything now. Then a flurry of shouts and groans and adjournment. OMG, I was so close! Why did you stop? It felt so good.

Tomorrow is another day! I was wondering when I called a good friend of mine up in the dome today she was all "It's cah-rayzeee up in this joint today" and now we know because a shitstorm was brewing.

In much more important news? Lois Kolkhorst is totally winning the LILF award in a landslide.

It's that time again! Time for you to email us you best and worst fashion choices by the legislature this session. We've had a lot of fun with this in the past and cameraphone snapshots are always a hilarious entry. Email us with you nominees.
Best Dressed Male/Best Dressed Female
Worst Dressed Male/Worst Dressed Female
Most cringe inducing accessory worn by a legislator
Worst hair
LILFAwards, (Legislator I'd Like To F*ck)

Email me if you need a phone number to send a cameraphone photo to. The winners will receive an award certificate from Pinkdome.

Maybe I've always hated sin taxes because they seem to hit my wallet disproportionately higher than they do for most other folks. The $5 surcharge to strip club patrons is the latest attempt to build a budget for sex assault programs and something else. I do not believe that strip club patrons are a higher source of sexual assaulters than the general population, but like West said...wherever you can get the money, you get the money.

Let me ask you this...if we had a state income tax would this be a budgeted item paid for with tax dollars from the general public? If so, then ok levy the fines and raise the skirts. If not, then why are you picking on perverts that go to strip clubs.

That's right...I said it. Perverts.

But confirms rhythm method is strategy for New Hampshire. [CNN]

The Senate stayed up until after 2 a.m. last night. I hope Senator Nelson finally did put on those pink tennis shoes cause that's some bullshit. Those people are old, y'all. Not like some folks in the House that can stay up so late. What in the world does Senator Brimer do if he misses Matlock? I bet they get cranky.

If you work for a Senator today, I'd make sure they get plenty of rest and steer clear of any heated exchanges.

Meanwhile, those lazy bitches in the House were done well before midnight.

Dawna Dukes is quoted in the Statesman saying that she will stick with Craddick. Rep. Dukes, am I not mistaken that it was you that was in Craddick's office after the last brouhaha and you were crying and very upset trying to figure out what to do and Craddick wouldn't even meet with you to tell you it would be alright and he wouldn't screw you over if you voted for him as Speaker?

(Calling out sobbing legislators warrants run-on sentences. Deal with it.)

I'm watching the House and ugh, I'm so sorry y'all have to still sit up there when I'm here at the house all drunk and shit. Shout it out the comments (we finally fixed 'em). Let's critique the fashion sense of Jessica Farrar. Does she have anything without some big ass scarf thing?

OH WAIT: Rep. Strama is wearing that suit again! I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't catch him leaning over a desk with his ass up in the air.

I know, it came as a shock to me, too. This morning I was standing outside the North entrance to the capitol when a tourist asked me "Where is the fifth child?" I thought she was some weirdo activist and it took me a while to realize she was talking about the sculpture of the kids there on the North side. Apparently one has gone missing. I say someone search Dan Patrick's office.

I looked over there and told the lady the governor had it removed because of cutbacks in CHIP resulted in a higher uninsured rate for children and its removal was symbolic of how the state hurts innocent kids. She almost bought it but huffed off before I could tell her the truth.

Word is today there will be lots of speeches. Clearly this means I will spend the afternoon making up drinking games. My favorite is when Senfronia takes to grabbing the back mic to zing the Speaker.

So over this. Someone ring me on the mobile if anything interesting happens...like someone gets stabbed with a fork. Otherwise, Craddick will be Speaker until they pry the gavel from his cold, dead fingers. I refuse to fall for this trick again.

Premium gas at $3.39 a gallon? Holy mackeral. Looks like I need to adjust my Veuve Clicquot budget. That's not good news for any of us.

The latest poll says only 25% of Americans feel the country is going in the right direction and they blame it on the war, poor leadership, high gas prices and Tom Craddick. I've been keeping a list of people to blame for about four years now. It's so long I'm going to have to publish it in a series.

Some days the news can just set you right off. It started for me this weekend when I read about the woman that took a pair of scissors and cut her baby boy's genitals off and put them in the garbage disposal. Then I read about the dude that put his baby in the microwave. Today I read about the woman that coached her children to act mentally retarded so she could collect disability checks from the government. When caught she said, "I'm sorry for what I did," Costello told the court. "I had a very hard life. I have grandchildren out there who need me. If I could, I would take it all back."

A very hard life? That's an excuse to be a waste of human flesh? Listen you slime...life is hard. Just because it is does not mean you are entitled to be a disgusting cheat and horrible parent. Life is hard for everyone and people that do these awful things and then blame their lot in life make me sick. Maybe we should go back to public hangings to straighten some people out.

Meanwhile, the Alabama Legislature has approved a bill to pardon those convicted under Jim Crow laws. Those arrested for (my favorite charge) failure to move, can now be pardoned retroactively and have their records expunged. I'm not sure the phrase "better late than never" really applies, but at least the legislature in Alabama is actually doing something. (HouChron)

Yesterday the Senate just shut down. We do that in my family, too. Whenever we feel a big arguement coming on we all just sort of retreat to different parts of the house and shut down. We don't discuss or God forbid argue. We seethe with resentment. If you guessed that we're all Southern and WASPs you'd be right!!

The senate yesterday had their blowup and then wandered off for secret discussions behind closed doors about why and how this happened without addressing what is surely the real issue...Dan Patrick is destroying the family.

Dewhurst has disavowed the letter the came from his office regarding the voter ID bill. I read the letter. He should disavow the letter for the right reason, though. If you want the bill pushed through, fine...that's your stupid political opinion. If you are pissed off at the people preventing the bill from coming to the floor...fine, that's your perogative. But...this letter? It's written by a fucking idiot. That's why you should disavow the letter.

Excerpts:
Friends, you and I know that freedom is not free. (Thank you Lee Greenwood)
I believe protecting the sanctity of American elections is critical to the future of our nation. (Does this contradict the sanctity of marriage? That's really all anyone in the legislature has ever talked about sanctifying.)
Seriously, how can any American argue that this requirement is too onerous? Seriously? You're being sassy now? OMG! WTF?
How many legitimate American votes were canceled out by illegal voters? Gee, we don't know but since you are so alarmist about it like it's the new plague we'll guess fifteen million! OMG! Democracy is doomed! Someone help us!!! The only thing protecting us from this new plague and the fall of civilization is the.....Voter ID Bill!!!

Fucking morons. The whole lot of ya.

Mark your calender:

There will be a ceremonial unveiling of a plaque on the Congress Avenue Bridge at 11 AM on May 25 (one hour later than previously announced) as part of the dedication of the bridge as the Ann Richards Memorial Bridge.

The marriage tax bill was passed. The one requiring couples to take a class or pay double for their marriage license. The House did not want that in the bill but when it came back from the senate with that provision back in they all voted for it in a flurry of trying to get through this session without Florence Shapiro showing up in that white denim outfit.

The Republican from Houston flip-flopped on the issue and is now of the opinion that the State of Texas should not only protect the institution of marriage from gays and lesbians, but from a far worse threat as well--poor people.

Rep. Gary Elkins, R-Houston, "Honestly, if a couple can't afford $60 for a marriage license, they probably shouldn't get married."

What else shouldn't citizens be allowed to do if they can't afford it? Any ideas?

So there will be a Speaker's race...eventually. Keffer has decided to run for Speaker after the session. That's good because a motion to vacate the chair now would bring drama and payback and cowardice. But, waiting until after the session sure gives Craddick plenty of time to think up some new tricks. Either way, good luck!

We'll leave you with some famous quotes from Falwell:
"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions"
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being"
and, so many to choose from but this one fits:
"[homosexuals are] brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven."

A tipster tells us that the Senate is currently discussing the Voter ID bill - the joke that is being taken way too seriously. What the hell?

Love the funky music in the background, but will this really change anyone's mind? This ad will be showing in Austin this week (oh, joy). Good on these guys for trying, but I think all this ad will do is get the group's name out there.

[from Grist]

From the Statesman's email bag:

Do not call -- that means you, governor

Imagine, sitting at home, watching a little TV with the family, and a phone starts ringing. I pause the movie and look for the phone. I don't find it in time, so the machine gets it. I was appalled to hear a recording from Gov. Rick Perry. How could that be? We signed up for the "do not call list" he endorsed.

Round Rock

During the first Republican presidential debate, Mr. No Chance Tommy Thompson said that private employers should be allowed to fire a gay employee simply because, well, they're gay. Granted, this is the Republican primary, so that sort of thing might actually have some play amongst the base. But Thompson chose to revisit the issue over the weekend. Bad choice.

"I've been very sick. ... I was very sick the day of the debate. I had all of the problems with the flu and bronchitis that you have, including running to the bathroom. I was just hanging on. I could not wait until the debate got off so I could go to the bathroom."

I think his chances for election went the same place as his shit quite a while ago.

Fox News does an awesome job reminding us the true scourge requiring voter ID legislation: voting while black.

[via TPM]

The email making the rounds that is allegedly (Did I spell that right?) from Craddick's camp to ask for help in rooting out the 'enemies list' and sounding all desperate to find out who is daring to challenge the almighty power of the Speaker is a fun read. Burka's posts that follow are surely sending a panic through the House just as much as the original email did. Whether it is from the Speaker's office or cronies or not, it's a great reminder of petty politics and how it's like Jr. High School.

Sen. Glenn Hegar, R-Katy, thinks we ought to be slaughtering and eating horses in Texas. I don't know what kind of food shortage or how poor I would have to be before I would eat horse meat. WTF?

Sadly, the Senate is outdoing the House this year in crazy. Between Dan Patrick and his obsession with abortion and fake tax cuts and horsemeat franchising the senators have overtaken the representatives in successfully illustrating why the Texas Legislature embarrasses us year after year.

A group of teachers thought it would be a good idea to fake a gunman attack on students during a class trip for a bunch of sixth graders. The "teaching experience" went so far as to have the kids hide under tables in the dark while someone in a hooded sweatshirt tried to come in their locked room. Kids were crying and begging for their lives. Outraged parents were heard as far away as Arkansas.

Here's a tip from me: The world is cruel soon enough without forcing sixth graders to face their own mortality on a field trip to a state park. Someone should beat these people down with an iron skillet.

Speaker Pelosi visited Houston this weekend for the communion on her grandson and to celebrate Mother's Day with her daughter. While here she also attended a fundraiser, raising $150,000 at a luncheon at The Coronado Club. Scattered looting and mayhem followed her visit. Apparently the number of abortions rose this weekend in close proximity to her location. Clearly, a plague will soon befall the City That Air Conditioning Built.

CNNI f'ed up.

(via)

Emailed to us by more than one person.

[As sung to the theme of the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" ads]

Today we salute you, Mr. Radio-host-turned-Senator-Guy ...

While some politicians focus on the people, you boldly and shamelessly promote
yourself and your bad ideas.

Singers: The mayor of crazy town.

When you take the mike in the Texas Senate, no one -- we mean no one -- is
listening. Whether you're talking about selling babies or offering phantom tax cuts, Texas government grinds to a halt when you speak.

Singers: Someone get some duct tape.

And while you complain you are holier than the Pope, we know the author of the first greatest book ever written wouldn't break
bread at Hooters.

Singers: I was just here for the fried pickles.

So here's to you Senator Holier-than-thou tax cut man. You've proven one thing
for sure -- Talk radio is a bad place to find someone who can pass a tax cut.

Another after the jump.

Sunday is Mother's Day!

The Politico have compiled their tips on how elected officials or activist groups can get us bloggers to write about them...or rather, write what they want us to write about them. We decided, like Gawker, to give our feedback on the tips.

1. Bloggers cover stories that interest them, not all the news that's fit to print.

So true, and we do a half-ass job of covering stuff that interests us. So give us all the deets so we don't have to do any research.

2. Bloggers are lone individuals with limited amounts of time rather than large institutions with a space quota to fill.

Ugh, we have a LOT of space to fill so send us a lot of crap. But, here's what we don't like. Press releases. Hate them. Send me an email about it and you're more likely to get a post than sending me a press release. Sometimes I may post your press release just to make fun of what a poor job you did. We are lone individuals though...and very busy. In other words, spoon feed us your tips!

3. Bloggers write about topics in their areas of interest from a particular point of view.

Oh, that's so true. We are not going to write policy posts or deeply analytical posts. Give it an angle that will piss us off or make fun of someone and you'll get a bunch of attention. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot of legislation about Veuve Clicquot and hookers. There should be, but there isn't. So, instead, we write about political stuff.

4. Bloggers need material for posts rather than quotes from both sides.

We don't give a shit about the other side's opinion. You get it to us first and we'll be on your side! Isn't that how the Statesman would do it?

5. Consider giving exclusives, especially to more prominent bloggers.

Exclusives make us wet our panties. If the exclusive is about someone's wet panties, even better!

6. Bloggers aren't party operatives.

That is true. While we are progressive, we aren't affiliated with a party. Unless there are margaritas, then we're totally affiliated.

7. Less is more.

Agreed. Don't bother me with a lot of facts. Give me the bullet. Also, don't send me fifty press releases about the same thing over and over.

Just what I needed today, another medical thing for me to obsess over.

The virus that causes cervical cancer, the subject of heated debate in Austin, also sharply increases the risk of throat cancer for both men and women engaging in oral sex, according to a new study.

The study found that people who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250 percent more likely to develop throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex. The cancer at one time was thought to be caused only by alcohol or tobacco.

I know this happened two weeks ago, which in blog-time is something like two years, but it still makes me laugh.

Best President ever
Reply to: pers-327802538@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-09, 7:05PM CDT

Y'all are a bunch of crackheads.

The President has done nothing but good for this country and the world. You bunch of impatient, shortsighted liberal fucks will learn.

Jeb '08, you wait and see!!

- If ever you thought, "Wow, you know who's similar to Reagan? Sen. Fred Thompson!", then this comparison done by Radar kinda proves you right. My favorite part:

Richard Nixon (according to the White House Tapes)
On Reagan (who had been a rival for the 1968 Republican presidential nomination): "Reagan is not one that wears well ... Reagan on a personal basis, is terrible. He just isn't pleasant to be around"
On Thompson (who was the Republican counsel for the Senate Watergate Committee): "Oh shit, he's dumb as hell"

- Low-tech and quirky: New Mexico governor Bill Richardson has a new campaign ad out. The first thing I noticed? The actor talking to him looks a lot like the dad from Life Goes On (I don't think it's him). I appreciate the quiz-show-like music that pops up when "Bill Richardson for President" comes up on screen. Behind Door 3? A second-tier candidate!*

- Also on Youtube: a new made-for-Youtube, DC-based interview series hosted by two guys, one a conservative and one a Democrat. Crossfire it's not, but that's a good thing. The guys plan to focus on technology and politics. It's low-tech, not-very-attractive fun! My main complaint with the series so far: crappy sound quality. Here's the "pilot". They have also posted the first part of their interview with Sen. Kerry.

*I still like him.

Oddest quote I've read in a while - from a Houston Chronicle story about Dan Patrick:

"He's like an uninvited picnic guest who shows up with nothing in hand, eats all the potato salad and spoils the picnic for everyone else," said a senator who requested anonymity in order to assess Patrick candidly.

There's rumors of a new challenge to Speaker Craddick. The wimps and sycophants must feel emboldened by the overturning of a ruling this week. Seriously, Texas elected a bunch of wimps to the legislature...not tough cowboys like they prance around and stomp their feet and pretend to be.

Did any of those that did not vote against the speaker remember what I said back in January? We all knew then that Craddick would not adapt to change. He would not be any different after the challenge to his seat, and indeed he is petty and would punish those that voted against him. Ta. Da. What this dumbass blogger said in January is exactly what happened and the legislators that have the nerve to whine about leadership and start whispering to the newspaper about rumors of a challenge to his seat but refuse to give their names to the press so their legislation won't be killed are pitiful, sad excuses for men.

Here's my latest criteria to vote for a state representative or state senator: Not a pussy.

Perry did not sign or veto the bill undoing his mandate on HPV vaccinations and so it quietly slips into law. Maybe everybody was wrong on this issue. Maybe the governor was wrong for getting too big for his britches and trying to mandate something. Maybe the legislature was wrong for being spiteful about it. Maybe the parents are wrong to think their slutty teenage daughters aren't having sex and don't need vaccinated.

Who's to know?