- Rep. John Davis, an "influential Republican lawmaker", is working with Dems to get more children enrolled in CHIP and has introduced HB 2049 [News8Austin].

- Yes, it's wonderful that TXU might not build all the proposed 11 coal plants because of their planned buyout. However, two of the three plants that will still be built (most likely) will affect Austin's air quality/our highway funding. So our state and city will be paying for the savings that TXU/new energy company will be making. Seems like a bad deal to me, both environmentally and financially.

- The Dallas Morning News takes a look at the "protect your castle" bills being proposed in the lege. Also known as "feel free to shoot random people in your house as long as you have a good story" laws.

The best part of the story:

. . . when he checked the books, he found a provision inserted in state law in 1973 that says Texans have a duty to retreat without using excessive force.

"That doesn't sound very Texan to me," Mr. Wentworth said.

- As for Al Gore's supposed ginormous energy usage at his Tennessee home, don't believe the hype.

In other Gore-related news, The New Yorker seems to want him to run for Prez again.

- While ex-Fed chief Greenspan says we're headed for recession sometime this year, current Fed chief Bernanke says, "Everything's all right, yes, everything's fine. . ."* after the craziness in the stock market yesterday.

*not a direct quote.

Capitol Letters tells us that this year's blue book has a typo. Rep. Richard J. "Rick" Noriega, D-Houston must have been somewhat suprised to see him listed at Rep. Richard J. "Prick" Noriega. It's an unusual nickname for a state legislator. We'd have gone for the more obvious "Douchebag" but that's just us...we're not so subtle.

If you've got a copy, email it to us or fax it to me at 512.535.0973

Oh, if you're the staffer that f'ed this up email us your resume and we'll help you find a job because you are so fired.

KXAN reports that gay and lesbian couples showed up at the Travis County Tax Assesor's Office to try and get marriage licenses. I don't know where these people were last year when the entire state voted to discriminate against homosexual couples.

There's also a planned "Freedom to Marry" march planned for this Saturday at Austin City Hall. In other news, the planned beating of a dead horse is rescheduled for Sunday.

We haven't commented on the hoopla surrounding the New Braunfels rules changes regarding exactly how you can get fucked up while floating the river because, well, it's New Braunfels. New Braunfels is good for two things: 1) getting fucked up while floating the river, followed quickly by massive quantities of Rudy's BBQ; and 2) zipping by on their stretch of 35 on your way to San Antonio.

But we'll comment now because the story has actually reached the point where people are trying to recall a city council member from office. Which is awesome because at issue, again, is how people can get fucked up on the river.

Two weeks ago, the New Braunfels City Council passed rules limiting cooler sizes to those able to carry no more than a 12-pack of "beverages" and limiting the number of coolers to one per tuber. That was on top of last year's ban on beer bongs and Jello shots. Terrorists? Oh, they're winning.

But one brave soul (and presumably others) are fighting back:

It took recall supporters less than five hours on Saturday to gather about 570 signatures on a recall petition to remove District 6 Council Member Ken Valentine from office ... In order for a recall election to be held in May, the city secretary must verify at least 221 petition signatures, Lee said.
...
The recall petition claims that Valentine is unfit for office because of his malfeasance in representing a minority of his constituents and his incompetence in pushing divisive issues.

And on next weeks council agenda? A ban on bad words like "hootenanny" and "shenanigans," plus requiring all women to wear WholesomeWear swimsuits.

I agree with Kuff: Dan Patrick v. the Texas Association of Business should make for some fun viewing.

I dare you to call Larry King tomorrow night with any question that y'all leave in the comments.

A story last week said NYC was the most taxed city in America. Not shocking, it takes a lot to run that city.What is interesting that cities in Texas make up 33% of the top nine cities that have the highest taxes on its residents. Interesting, considering we tout our lack of a state income tax so proudly around here.

San Antonio, Houston and Dallas make the list. That's also interesting because you'd really think the list would include Austin since it gets so much flak for being so 'liberal.' Someone, somewhere out to take a look at that because taxes totally suck balls, yo.

The governor of Massachusetts (My GOD that is hard to spell) has put the HPV vaccine in his budget. Even the governor of the 'most liberal state in the union' wasn't foolish enough to make it mandatory and bypass the legislature with the idea. Perry is taking the heat and every day the story gets to be less and less about how to prevent the most prevalent sexually transmitted disease and potentially limiting cervical cancer in women and more and more about greed and politics.

Turns out Governor Perry pissed off a lot of Texans for nothing. His efforts to fast track 11 coal plants for TXU is moot with the impending buyout by people that aren't morons. We'd like to think the deal came about just to make Rick look like an asshole, but that's stretching it a bit.

It's a good sign that responsible people eventually make responsible decisions. A platitude we've often heard, but rarely believed. Too bad our own governor wasn't ever part of that responsible people part. Rick, why do you hate Texas?

The Intel shell finally got all blowed-ed up this morning:

Obama in Austin.

And it's worth noting that he made a bit of news during his visit, lobbing some much-deserved rhetorical grenades toward the VP:

AUSTIN, Texas -- Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama ridiculed Vice President Dick Cheney on Friday for saying Britain's decision to pull troops from Iraq is a good sign that fits with the strategy for stabilizing the country.

Obama, speaking at a massive outdoor rally in Austin, Texas, said British Prime Minister Tony Blair's decision this week to withdraw 1,600 troops is a recognition that Iraq's problems can't be solved militarily.

"Now if Tony Blair can understand that, then why can't George Bush and Dick Cheney understand that?" Obama asked thousands of supporters who gathered in the rain to hear him. "In fact, Dick Cheney said this is all part of the plan (and) it was a good thing that Tony Blair was withdrawing, even as the administration is preparing to put 20,000 more of our young men and women in.

"Now, keep in mind, this is the same guy that said we'd be greeted as liberators, the same guy that said that we're in the last throes. I'm sure he forecast sun today," Obama said to laughter from supporters holding campaign signs over their heads to keep dry. "When Dick Cheney says it's a good thing, you know that you've probably got some big problems."

He also called for an end to tats on tits, which I completely agree with. Think what gravity will do to your ink in 40 years, ladies.

Conan O'Brien is rarely funny to me, but this "Meet the Press for Idiots" made me laugh.

Our advice is to avoid the Town Lake area of Austin this afternoon. Traffic will surely be snarled if 16,000 people show up to hear a speech by Senator Obama. We'll catch the live stream...oh wait, we probably won't catch it live. You know, because we have a job. We'll catch it on YouTube later.

BB updates 2:25pm: A little birdie just told me that News 8 is saying they are at capacity at Auditorium Shores (that means 20,000 people showed up). Good golly, Miss Molly! KEYE has a live feed of the crowd up. There's still 30 minutes until Obama speaks. . .

BB updates 3pm: Ok, the Statesman is saying 10,000. I'm still watching KEYE's feed and heard a little bit of Keith Elkins preparing his audio for the 5pm newscast. Don't think that was supposed to happen! Or maybe it was.

BB updates: Final tally for the rally? I'm leaning more towards News8's count of almost 17,000. Surely not all the people who signed up for passes came, so maybe the number is more like 15,000. That's still 5,000 more than the Statesman was saying earlier.

If there's one thing I'd say about Texas, it's that we're ahead of the curve.

Okay, that's not true - I wouldn't say that. Let me rephrase: if there's one thing I'd say about Texas, it's that we're ahead of the curve when it comes to ridiculously stupid protests about illegal immigration.

Case in point: the Young Conservatives of Texas' (also known by their acronym NAMBLA*) "Illegal Immigrant Hunts" that caused a stir in Denton and Austin. Those were two years ago. Now it looks like the College Republicans at NYU will be hosting a similar event, sure to solve the issue of illegal immigration in one fell swoop. After all, it worked so well down here.

And as the NYT blog points out, the College Republicans are still planning on their big dodgeball match against the College Democrats "local hippies."

* thanks, Daily Show!

The governor's office reports that Rick doesn't have a state email account or a computer. They claim he never does business via email and only has a personal email account. (We'll give a prize to the best guess on his email address: hairprince@aol.com?)

Clearly, the reason there is no official state email address for Governor Perry is that he prefers verbal communicaiton. You know, one on one, intimate meetings. Where he can be face to face and toe to toe...or heel to toe, whatever works.

Jet Blue was on my shit list last week. If I'm going to be held hostage for 8 hours on a plane in New York I fully expect terrorists with scary guns, not raging incompetence from airline staff. Their full page ad yesterday ran coast to coast. I appreciate the fact that the CEO recognizes the damage done to his company's reputation and he is genuinely apologizing and vowing to improve.

If only more companies (and people) would simply acknowledge their mistake and apologize I believe we'd all be better off. Of course, if American Airlines ever started to apologize it would probably take a week of full page ads just to get started on trying to make up for the shortcomings.

It's Friday tell us what other companies (or public people) should just apologize and for what.

We've received a few emails over the past couple of days asking where your beloved PinkDome is. Obviously, I'm not at liberty to give away too much information, but let's just say that PD will be taking a bit time of off to grow some hair back.

Once he's sporting a decent five o'clock shadow, he'll be back.

There's the teeniest infinitesimal chance that Sen. Lieberman would switch parties if the Dems vote to get out of the war. A Jewish Republican in the Senate? Now that's something you don't see every day, Chauncey.

- All I heard about on CNN this morning was Hillary v. Obama (well, that and Anna Nicole). David Geffen threw Obama a party after all those Clinton-supporting years, Hillary's campaign got angry after Geffen made some not-so-nice comments about her, blah blah blah. We're still at war, and this is a top story, CNN? Please.

- Some people think that Habitat for Humanity is falling behind in its work on the post-Katrina Gulf region. Just imagine how much slower it would be if the government was heading it up. [Austin Chronicle]

- If you haven't been watching the News War series on Frontline, you are missing out. The past two episodes have focused on the press and their relationship with the Bush administration. Next week the show focuses on the impact of new media (read: blogs) on the old bastions of the press.

- Oh, and did you remember that Barack Obama is going to be in Austin tomorrow? You probably haven't heard anything about it in the local news (/sarcasm). I imagine more than a few people will show up at Auditorium Shores. Part of me hates to miss a great speech, but I'll wait to see it on YouTube.

State District Judge Stephen Yelonosky (hey, I think I built campaign signs with him a couple years back) has ruled that Perry can't "fast-track" the process for the setting up of TXU coal plants.

Perry's esteemed response:

"No one should be surprised that a single liberal Austin judge would rule against Governor Perry and his efforts to increase energy capacity in Texas," he said in a statement.

Those goldurn liberal judges . . . does this mean the system works?

[Star-Telegram]

+ The New York Times writes about all those loyal Texans that have stuck by Bush's side for over a decade - and have consequently secured themselves plum positions in the federal government. It apparently helps to keep a Bush action figure seated on your desk, so you can play war and have him kick all the GI Joes' asses.

+ Austin is considering leasing out the airport to private hands. Jennifer Kim is on record as supporting the deal, provided she can access the control tower and ride the luggage carousel whenever she likes.

+ Mitt Romney releases the first ad of the '08 presidential campaign. It's boring, and I'm not sure why he's wasting his money. I think PD has a much better chance of getting elected.

Apparently Montel Williams was at the Capitol today for something. An observant reader sent us this brief note:

Of all the people in the world, why the fuck does Montel Williams need a bodyguard?

Update: it appears Montel is doing some tour on the uninsured. Uninsured that want a sex-change and are sleeping with their mom's boyfriend. Who's a primordial dwarf.

Rep. Dennis Bonnen laid out HB 1098 tonight in the Public Health committee. His bill is essentially a rebuke to Perry's much maligned executive order requiring all 6th grade girls to agree to have loose morals and never use a condom.

During the hearing, Bonnen mentioned that he had never heard of Merck prior to the Governor's executive order. Only, you know, he accepted $500 from them in 2002. So there's that.

The juvenile detention center, or "youth prison" out in west Texas has made the news after years of report of sexual misconduct with inmantes it has finally grabbed headlines. If you did not read the article, here is all you need to know. "Staff are being paid your tax money to rape your children."

Here are some other things state employees are being paid by your tax money to do:
1.) Boil children
2.) Auction off illegal immigrant children to Haitian slave trade via eBay
3.) Place stop signs at new intersections nightly
4.) Wander around the state capitol 'legislating'

Senator McCain has finally made the sharp turn into the George Bush school of elections. Proclaiming in South Carolina that Roe v. Wade should be overturned and he would appoint strictly conservative judges and then went on to speak to a thousand teens about abstinence education.

Dammit. I thought with George leaving office we'd be finished with this Evangelical bullshit.

[Reuters on Yahoo!]

- The press may be biased after all . . . against unfunny attempts to make a "conservative" version of The Daily Show. I tried watching a clip yesterday, and except for a short pointed commentary on Obamapalooza, it was really awful. Awkwardly so.

- I'm guessing Warren Chisum failed biology (ITPT has more).

- Looks like McCain will be playing hooky from the Senate tomorrow when they have their special vote on troop escalation in Iraq.

- Hybrid cars too silently stealthy for blind pedestrians? You can't make this sh*t up.

I'm in Bastrop today. Right now I'm eating fried chicken and it's delicious. The people? Holy shit they are homely!

Remember the big Nancy Grace-style news coverage of the 14-year old girl that was allegedly sexually assaulted by a man from Buda? (Refresher) A federal judge threw the case out this week, deciding exactly as we did back in June. "If anyone had a duty to protect [this 14-year old skank], it was her parents, not MySpace."

The publicity hound lawyer will refile the case in California where there are even more bean-sprout eating weirdos than there are here in Austin. Maybe there he will find some whack job that believes a computer and an internet site colluded to diddle this girl.

Better take a look at your license plate. If you've got a thingy around it from the dealer or something clever you bought at a truckstop it's got to come off. Texas police will now be able to pull you over and maybe take you to jail if you don't.

It's a clever way to give police the discretion to pull over just about anyone and hassle you for whatever reason they want to at any time. Most cars come from the dealer with a license plate surround and even those have to come off.

For a state that's all about keep the government out of my business, this sure is the dumbest thing we've heard come around in a while.

Fortunately, it's still free to watch state representatives introduce legislation. Senator West and Representative Cohen have introduced legislation charging $5 cover for strip joints and the money going to sexual assault programs and indigent health care.

Who estimated that the cover would raise $12 million? That's 2.4 million men visiting strip joints in Texas every year. Wait, we've suddenly got a business idea.

This could also open the door for a whole bunch of other sin taxes.

A 75 year old flasher. A former congressman from Pennsylvania was accused of exposing his 'sexual organs' to two women. How come when we get flashed it's by the last person we have any desire to see naked? If you're going to flash someone, could you please be hot?

A pastor of one of those mega churches is being investigated by the I.R.S. because of his extravagance. The 10,000 member church took in $34 million and the pastor is laughing all the way to the bank. According to the pastor, "It takes wealth, folks, to establish God's covenant on this Earth. You and I will never get so spiritual that we don't need money to get more influential in the world we're in."

So, God's covenant is that wealth is what you need to get into Heaven?

So joyous that our new 'challenge phrase' thingy is working so far and we haven't seen one sp*m comment make it through from the junk folder. That's all technical mumbo-jumbo, but trust me...it's the small things sometimes. (Except in the sex department, then the small things are very disappointing.)

Obviously, we love some YouTube around here. Especially when we can find gems like Hillary Clinton's microphone accidentally picking up her off key singing of the national anthem in Iowa. The video is great because a.) who knew the bitch knew the words? She hates America so much you'd never think she would sing along like some yokel moved by the pride of seeing the flag and hearing that song and b.) check out how she politely rebuffs the jackass that tries to talk to her while the national anthem is playing.

Watch it here.

Surely Merck's large donations to Texas PACs, Perry, Combs, lobbyists, etc. had nothing to do with Perry's wanting our sixth grade girls to get $350 vaccines. Surely not.

Texans for Public Justice has an insightful look at who exactly was on Merck's payroll donation list in their quest to get a statewide required HPV vaccination program set up in our fair state.

[Austin Chronicle]

This is what we love.

Senate Transportation Committee Chairman John Carona paid an unusual visit to a meeting of the House Transportation Committee, where highway commission Chairman Ric Williamson was testifying about road projects around the state.

If you can't watch the video this pretty much sums it up: "Can I get an appointment? Can I expect an appointment? You're an arrogrant prick." HilARIous.
(The Muckraker)

I'm wandering around the Capitol and here are a few thoughts from the rotunda.

I have a lot to say about what is going on on the Senate side of the building today, but I will holdd my tongue.

Also, where did Dan Patrick get a million dollars?

Why has no one sent me Warren Chisum's dumbass letter about bing bang theory education?

Rape is not funny, but women with glittery heart posters tellling me its not is kinda funny.

We haven't really commented on the Lisa Nowak-astronaut-love-triangle-diaper thing. Not because there's a shortage of potential humor in that situation, but because we really, really hate astronauts that crap their pants.

However, in honor of Valentine's Day, we'll bend the rules and let the sweet sounds of Mr. Big tell Lisa's story:

Didn't think it was possible, huh? Two San Antonio women suffered burns and smoke inhalation and were rescued by the fire department. Not funny. Funny? They suffered burns and smoke inhalation because there were using a barbeque grill inside the house.(SAXN)

When presidential hopeful John Edwards hired two bloggers to give his campaign website an edge, he didn't realize he'd unleash the shitstorm of criticism from one loudmouth that he did. To Edwards' credit he backed off on firing them and let them resign.

The trouble with blogs is that we sit at a computer and write the first thing that comes to our mind. If we have an opinion on something we post it, just as we were speaking to a small group of friends. Mostly, that opinion is strongly worded, sometimes completely unfair, dripping with sarcasm and sprinkled with profanity. We call it being honest, some people call it being an asshole.

The sad truth is that I (and for once I do mean "I") don't really give three shits about politics, politicians and the swarm of political opinion that people get so wrapped up in everyday. But, having a reaction and writing sarcastically about it gets people that do take it seriously all riled up.

Take a pill, people. It's a stupid blog. It's not destroying religion, increasing the threat of homosexuality, or adding to the number of dead soldiers in Iraq. Blogs do highlight the fact that some people couldn't understand sarcasm if it tickled their ass with a feather.

UBS, one of two large financial firms consulting with the governor's office over the possible sale of the Texas lottery, hired Gov. Rick Perry's son to work in its Dallas office about two weeks ago.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed this, and I'm sure it's been discussed repeatedly over the years, but ...

What the hell is with the giant wangs in the floor outside the two chambers? They're pointing north down the sets of stairs that are immediately outside the chambers' doors. I noticed them a few days ago, and, well, they look like cocks. There's really no other way to spin it.

I'm sure someone strolling around the Capitol today can snap a photo with their phone and send us a copy.

Update: I'm bumping this up to the top again since a wonderful, talented reader sent in a photo of the floorwang:

Senator Wentworth and Rep. Joe Driver (who?) want you to kill more people so we don't have to build more prisons. Texas already lets you kill someone that breaks into your home, but this law would allow you to kill someone wherever you are. That's not a self-defense law, it's a license for us to all run around shooting each other. (AAS)

Piggybacking off of PD's post earlier this morning:

[via AP]

Afghanistan and Iraq are so passe now. It's all about war with Iran. Get with the times, people!

High ranking U.S. military officials are fanning the flames created by the Bush administration's recent move to blame Iran for their oopsie in Iraq:

U.S. military officials today accused the highest levels of the Iranian leadership of arming Shiite militants in Iraq with sophisticated armor-piercing roadside bombs that have killed more than 170 American forces.

...

The presentation was the result of weeks of preparation and revisions as U.S. officials put together a package of material to support the Bush administration's claims of Iranian intercession on behalf of militant Iraqis fighting American forces.

Very quick update: So I Googled my seemingly clever headline, only to realize I'm about the 1000th person to use it. Originality is so overrated.

I would hate to have the job of "Protest Scheduler" for the Capitol grounds. The calendar is surely backed up. Austin has caught protest fever!

The end of January saw the anti-war protest combined with the anti-abortion protest for a fun-filled event complete with hippies in body paint and simulated bloody fetuses on sticks!

So far in January the Capitol has hosted the anti-coal plant rally featuring fun filled events such as the NIMBY toss and the gas mask fetish booth. Supporters of coal plants showed up for the free oxygen booth sponsored by Merck!

That same day, neighborhood residents in the Northcross section of the city formed their own localized protest in front of a mall. Residents dressed in red and circled the mall protesting a proposed Wal-Mart. Some protestors even brought red crepe paper. There were no corporate sponsors or booths at this protest.

If you've got a protest on the calendar, let us know! Please include ticket prices and attractions to ensure high visibility in our calendar of events.

- Yesterday, our nation bid farewell to the native Texan woman who was famous for being famous. If I hear one more comparison of her life to Marilyn Monroe's, I'll scream. Marilyn Monroe could act, and Anna Nicole. . . no.

- Did you hear that Speaker Pelosi is using a large air force plane to go home to her California district? The Republicans seem to be blowing this out of proportion (shocker!). It is ironic that she is so committed to global warming and wants to jet around in a gas-guzzling plane, but if she buys a Terrapass, that should make up for it, IMHO. How funny that when Hastert used an air force plane, no one complained.

- A panel member of the Sunset Advisory Commission thinks that the liquor lobby's relations with the Texas lege is corrupt. No. way.

- State Sen. Jane Nelson thinks our kids are too fat and State Sen. Kirk Watson thinks school buses may be toxic. What with these ideas and the fact that poor kids may be stuck in Texas public schools, our kids just might be doomed if these bills don't get passed.

And Mr. Leininger's complaint about his money running out for charter/faith-based school scholarships might have more credence if he hadn't spent umpty-million dollars on campaign donations. Just sayin'.

Photo from AP on Yahoo!

Mayor Will Wynn and the Austin City Council are apparently smoking too much dope and hanging out with the dirty hippies in this city.

Mayor Will Wynn and several other city officials said Austin will cut its emissions of polluting carbon dioxide to almost nothing by 2020, increase the use of renewable energy sources, boost energy conservation, and require better efficiency for homes and commercial buildings. Elements of the proposal could be controversial. (AAS)

Maybe I'm just pissed off that I heard today the city is trying to stop the planned demolition of the old Intel building downtown. Since 2001, this humiliating reminder of the tech bust has been a blight on the downtown skyline. Finally, the feds have decided to build a courthouse there. You know how long it takes the government to decide to do anything so you know this has been in the works for a long time. Two weeks before the scheduled demolition and jubiliation of Austin residents at its removal, the city wants to stop the demolition and try to find a buyer.

Piss off. Just tear this piece of shit down. It's been there since 2001 mocking this city and me personally because I lost a fortune in the tech bust.

Um, John Stossel is an expert on Texas schools now? WTF?!

(via)