Oklahoma: home of Sooners, a college named Oral Roberts, and judges that wish they were Austin Powers.
Yesterday, former Creek County Judge Donald Thompson was sentenced to four years in prison for exposing himself and using a penis pump in the middle of trials. And we wonder why judges insist on wearing the robes.
Thompson's excuse is a good one:
Thompson, a married father of three grown children, testified that the penis pump was given to him as a joke by a longtime hunting and fishing buddy.Just a nervous habit, you see - squeezing the handle of a wang embiggener. It's like one of those stress balls, only much weirder."It wasn't something I was hiding," he said.
He said he may have absentmindedly squeezed the pump's handle during court cases but never used it to masturbate.
Foster told authorities that she saw Thompson use the device almost daily during the August 2003 murder trial of a man accused of shaking a toddler to death. A whooshing sound could be heard on Foster's audiotape of the trial. When jurors asked the judge about the sound, Thompson said he hadn't heard it but would listen for it.
It turns out however, that Thompson was jogging the six-inch during trial, as "[i]nvestigators later checked the carpet, Thompson's robes, and the chair behind the bench and found semen, according to court records." I'm assuming that part of his $40,000 fine will go toward dry cleaning.
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We need to get this Judge together with this defendant,
Click my name yo!