And their mastubration. A British health care facility expects about 200 people to participate in a "mastubate-a-thon" to raise awareness for sex education and educate the community on sexual taboos. I don't know if a bunch of pasty white Brits would get me feeling all randy to toss one off in a clinical setting, but if you'd like you can buy me a ticket and I'll go check it out first hand (so to speak).
If that topic has you feeling all dirty, read the Mormon's guide to curbing your desire to masturbate.
What time is your flight?
You couldn't make that up. Well, maybe you could ... but you know what I mean.
My favorites are:
If you are trying to overcome masturbation:
[Mirrors are evil!] 4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the shower longer than five or six minutes - just long enough to clean yourself. Then dry off and GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
[Peeing is bless-ed] 14. Keep your bladder empty. Believe it or not, having a full bladder can cause you to feel sexually stimulated. As strange as it sounds you may find that going to the bathroom often makes it easier to refrain from masturbating.
Yikes.
I don't see how spankin' it to Rachel Ray's show can lead to homosexuality.
BTW, that woman can eat a watermelon without using her hands. She leaves no pink. Many puns intended.
"A dollar in a jar for every day you don't masturbate. At the end of the month you can buy something you like."
So if I'm careful and God-ly, in two months I'll be able to afford a blow job.
Makes perfect sense to me.
That Mormon guy is HOT!!!. I am sending an email to Utah to thank them for the spank material!!