"Why in the fuck did I agree to do this stupid shit speech - I could be fishing..."

Edumacation is hard.

"You can get your thumb out of my ass anytime now Carmine."

"we's some regal lookin' motherfuckers"

Laura forgot to pack the Beano again...

Thanks to that dickhead Perry, soon Texas education system will be worse than this place.

Must not fart . . .must not fart . . must not fart

Mississippi...damn thats a lot of syllables...who booked this gig...I thought I told them no more than 3 syllables...I'll just use an acronym, yeah that's it....nice work Bushie.

hmmm, osama bin laden....osama bin laden, where have I heard that name before?

Let's see...it's M-I-S-I, no, no ... M-I-S-S-I-S-I ... no ...Damn!

"Geez, cheer up guys. I know you have to let black people into the school, but we still don't allow them on stage."

"Got me a PhD, playa hatin' degree. Hehe. Hay, playa means black person, right?"

Oh! That's not a fart - it's my upper lip.