(Another Fine Bottled Water creation.)

According to the Washington Post, the days of a Cheney-orchestrated foreign policy are officially over. Since we all know Chimpy McFlightsuit isn't competent, who's taking over next?

Perhaps Condi. The Star Trek: The Next Generation star might be the logical choice, and foreign countries seem to anticipate this. So what better way to get on her good side than giving her a coca leaf-covered guitar? After all, nothing says "be mine" like a dozen roses, a Hallmark card, and a charango covered with the raw material for cocaine. And by "be mine," I mean "we're secretly laughing at you."