Every year I’ll be minding my own business listening to Christmas songs on the radio and some stupid radio programmer will ruin everything by including Dolly Parton’s Hard Candy Christmas in the playlist. First, don’t judge me for listening to Christmas music. Second, this song has about as much to do with Christmas as a John Phillips Sousa march!
Hard Candy Christmas was a tearjerking end to one of my favorite movies of all time, 1982’s Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. The song is about loss, heartbreak and survival. It has nothing to do with the joy of Christmas, or the heartbreak of Christmas for that matter. It’s a metaphor! Something, apparently radio DJ’s the world over are too dense to grasp.
It gets my goat because this song is appropriate to be played at any time you need a reminder that no matter what, “I’ll be fine.” Things may be tough and I may be near my rock bottom, but “I’ll be fine.”
Now, if you are just desperate for a Dolly Parton Christmas I would suggest a charming adulterous duet with Kenny Rogers.