Senator Dan Patrick has passed seminal legislation today. Rejoice that all carnies convicted of diddling children will not be able to take your ticket and put your fat funnel-cake ass on the Mo-Mo ride. But, a last minute amendment corrected some language that will allow hookers to continue to solicit the dads while they stand outside the kiddie coaster and realize that the soul-sucking reality that “this is my beautiful life” is safe from the Republican from Houston.

“Why should we close the doors if they want to engage in legal employment and start anew?” Sen. Eddie Lucio, D-Brownsville said, “Let them work at something legal.”

Hey Eddie, question. If it’s ok for hookers to try and turn their life around why not other sex offenders? I know, I know…once a child molester, always a child molester. But don’t we kind of expect the people working at an amusement park are either pedophiles or serial killers anyway?  It adds to the excitement of the dark and rickety rollercoaster.

“Hey, let’s go to the carnival! A ride might break and kill us or we may get molested or toothless carnie. Plus the funnel cakes are so gooood.” That’s usually how I convince people to come with me.