Archive for August, 2007

The Future is Bleak

The Teen Miss USA pageant was the home of the display of our most beautiful teen girls…and our most stupid. Miss South Carolina could have answered this question better if she’d just taken a dump on the stage. Watch the goodness. I see a future job at the TEA for her!

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Gonzales Resigns. Who had August 24?

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned his position among a growing realization by everyone that he was completely incompetent and even a little sketchy.

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Double Whammy

The Fort Worth City Council and the State Fair of Texas officials screwed the pooch this week.
1) Just when I was about to take up smoking, the Fort Worth City Council voted to ban smoking inside most public places except bars. (I have to forgive the ever so beautiful Councilwoman Wendy Davis) I guess I [...]

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Welcome Bill

President Bill Clinton will be in Austin next month to campaign for Senator Hillary Clinton. The Statesman has the invite. Who’s buying me a ticket? (View the invite)

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An Ethics Summit for lobbyists in Texas is like…

…a Pentecostal convention in Las Vegas, somebody’s coming out of it different than they went in but not necessarily for the better. The Texas Advocacy something or over is hosting an event at the Barton Creek Spa and Resort. For a $100,000 donation to Speaker Craddick’s campaign fund you can enjoy a full list of [...]

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Abs Of Fear

The FWST website had a caption, Abs of Steel, yesterday which was big news. I realized that someone did not leak a picture of me and gave it to the FWST. It was a picture of Russian President Vladimir Putin shirtless. I was worried because if it came down to a showdown 1 on 1 [...]

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400!

Texas executed its 400th prisoner since the death penalty was reinstated here in 1982. Critics say that the death penalty is not a deterrent for criminals. I agree, in its current incarnation. The death penalty should be carried out much more swiftly in order to be a deterrent. This prisoner had been on death row [...]

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By your powers combined

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was Captain Planet. Captain Planet was a superhero who saved the earth from pollution and bad stuff. Anyways, I was thinking that Hollywood should make this into a big action flick and who better to play Captain Planet than Al Gore. If anyone has connections and can get [...]

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People in Utah are stupid!

A history teacher in Ogden, Utah realized that the school name James A. Madison named after the 4th President of the United States was wrong. Well its just James Madison Jr. (no A) but which smart ass doesn’t check Google, a book, Wikipedia, or an encyclopedia. Not to worry the school is getting the signs [...]

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Wedding Decisions

Jenna “BoozeHound” Bush will have some decisions on where to get married. We’re sure the pollsters are begging for a White House wedding and the sure-to-follow jump in the president’s numbers because people are suckers for a wedding! Maybe Jenna wants to have it here in Austin so she can re-visit her glory days of [...]

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