How To Ruin What You’ve Got Going For You
February 27, 2007 Uncategorized
We haven’t commented on the hoopla surrounding the New Braunfels rules changes regarding exactly how you can get fucked up while floating the river because, well, it’s New Braunfels. New Braunfels is good for two things: 1) getting fucked up while floating the river, followed quickly by massive quantities of Rudy’s BBQ; and 2) zipping by on their stretch of 35 on your way to San Antonio.
But we’ll comment now because the story has actually reached the point where people are trying to recall a city council member from office. Which is awesome because at issue, again, is how people can get fucked up on the river.
Two weeks ago, the New Braunfels City Council passed rules limiting cooler sizes to those able to carry no more than a 12-pack of “beverages” and limiting the number of coolers to one per tuber. That was on top of last year’s ban on beer bongs and Jello shots. Terrorists? Oh, they’re winning.
But one brave soul (and presumably others) are fighting back:
It took recall supporters less than five hours on Saturday to gather about 570 signatures on a recall petition to remove District 6 Council Member Ken Valentine from office … In order for a recall election to be held in May, the city secretary must verify at least 221 petition signatures, Lee said.
…
The recall petition claims that Valentine is unfit for office because of his malfeasance in representing a minority of his constituents and his incompetence in pushing divisive issues.
My guess on who’s funding the recall: the Wholesale Beer Distributors and a majority of the frats at UT.
And on next weeks council agenda? A ban on bad words like “hootenanny” and “shenanigans,” plus requiring all women to wear WholesomeWear swimsuits.
Comments (6)
We’re ordering a truckload of the Slimming Swimmer for our members!
I’m getting hot thinking of Mary Denny and Vicki Truitt bumping uglies through their Cullotte Swimmers.
Hell, if I lived there I’d be pushing a recall too, and I’m 35. There’s nothing wrong with a big party of responsible adults sharing a big cooler - ours was usually half beer and half sandwiches / non-alky beverages. The 12-pack rule would have killed our trips.
Someone will invent iceberg style coolers…12 on top, 120 below. All the lastest in submarine and beer diving equipment. Regulation is the mother of invention.
cynical optimist,
I like it. And it provides added benefits for dumbasses like me, who have previously suffered the distress of trying the sneak underwater attack to capsize one of my friends, miscounted tubes, and ended up flipping the tube cooler.
There is no shame like being the guy who just made the water quite a bit COLDER by flipping over the beers. One of the two times I did this I was even sober.
I wrote about that douchebag Ken Valentine back when a San Antonio strip club decided to float down the river en masse to protest the no beer bongs and jello shots ruling.
http://www.commonsensetx.com/2006/07/27/new-meaning-to-ride-the-tube/
His concern was that strippers would be there on a Sunday, and that their training might have been so intense that they would have to take their clothes off in public. Like ninjas, or Manchurian Candidates or something