Speaking of Capital Offenses

August 30, 2005 Uncategorized

A new law on parental consent goes into effect this week that could make it punishable by death for a doctor to perform an abortion without parental approval or after the third trimester. We were thinking someone should have slipped in a provision to make it a capital offense to legislate ineffectively and fuck up school finance and kowtow to a few special interests. But, it would be hard to actually have a state legislature with only about five people not on death row.
The following are PinkDome’s punishable by execution suggestions:
*Doctors that refuse to let us get generic drugs and insist on prescribing brand names only.
*Customer Service Reps that put us on eterna-hold.
*Hippies
*People that don’t love puppies
Feel free to add your capital offense additions in the comments section.

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Comments (16)

 

  1. Cincinnatus says:

    I second hippies and add those goddamm Taco Cabana drive-thru workers who can never get my order right.

  2. LegeBoy says:

    All Scientologists.

  3. bluebonnet says:

    Dude, I don’t want to kill the hippies, but I second the Scientologists. Except for Beck - I like him.

  4. TM says:

    people with bad toupes; http://lamarsmith.house.gov/

  5. Don't Mess w/ Pink says:

    People going slower than the speed limit or flow of traffic in the left lane.

  6. Don't Mess w/ Pink says:

    People going slower than the speed limit or flow of traffic in the left lane.

  7. newswatching says:

    Define “hippie.”

  8. wonk says:

    Death penalty for slow people in the passing (left) lane, yes!
    Death penalty for using the word “bring” when they should use “take,” and vice versa. This has become a national epidemic.
    Death penalty for people who drive Hummer.

  9. Marie says:

    DMWP, driving slow on the freeway would make most of Austin eligible for the death penalty. La la la, life is peachy in Austin and I still have a bowl left and I think I’ll hit it on the way to work and drive 40 mph the whole way.

  10. Don't Mess w/ Pink says:

    Marie, Nothing wrong with that as long as they stay in the right lane. If they don’t, well, time to cull the population.

  11. Don't Mess w/ Pink says:

    Marie, Nothing wrong with that as long as they stay in the right lane. If they don’t, well, time to cull the population.

  12. Jake says:

    I love hippies. I can’t believe PD hates the hippies. Who would beat the drums at Eeyore’s Birthday? Shame on you PD!

  13. TallTxChick says:

    Although they throw some good parties, hippies are terribly ineffective political organizers. (It’s hard to out-organize the Republicans when you’re stoned and obsessed with each others’ feelings.)

  14. Jake says:

    shut up and stop breaking the rotation puff puff pass puff puff pass

  15. neac says:

    Yeah, third on the hippies.

  16. rk says:

    People who either can’t read, or can’t count getting in the “10 items only” lane.

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